long time

It has been so long since I've written anything.
I feel slightly silly now, after such a long time.
I guess whats is mostly on my mind is the death of my little brother Jeff,
He came to see me on Saturday. Along with bringing a new lady friend to meet.
On Sunday he died.
Just like that!!
Now, after forty days Ive been able to put a litte thought into this.
He was mostly estranged from the family for years. Maybe fifteen or so.
He had started coming around about five years ago, just slightly.
Then in the last year I heard from him almost weekly....he was my facebook friend:)
He didnt come around much but kept in touch.
He wanted to come see me in the worst way. He was disappointed that we were going to be in Vienna when he came, but low and behold, that was to be the next weekend. So come he did.
He took his lady friend to see where we grew up, the whole 9 yards.
He complained of chest pain but brushed off my suggestion he see a doctor. He was uninsured:(
I guess he went to church on Sunday, came home, told his fiancee we learnied later, that he wasnt feeling well and collapsed.
For as little as I saw him, I miss him terribly.
He was always my little buddy.
I was 5 years older, but we had so much fun together. We grew up on a farm and we were pretty isolated, so we were each others playmates:)
When I was a late teen and he early teen, we used to have so much fun. He would come along with my friends and I and go all over town.
I think maybe I miss what could have been, what should have been, and what might have been.
But also, I just plain miss the fact that I will never see him and he will never make me have a stomach ache from laughing so hard, again.
Goodbye little buddy...I will miss you every day of my life, and I am looking forward to meeting up with you again in heaven. You will most likely be making a joke when I arrive:) Thats what you always did!!